fear of spontaneous kindness?

A few days ago I posted a comment on Facebook which said: "I want to live in a world where I  can pull over, offer a ride to a lady walking down the street with heavy grocery bags, and know that she will not think I am out to get her, but will accept the ride. Instead, I rarely act on this spontaneous desire, and the decision to move on haunts me."  Well, this post got quite a lot of attention and response. It seems that many of us feel this pull to reach out and connect, but then we shrink back into our own "safe" place. 

I want to share some of the comments that were added after my post -- and ask for your thoughts on this topic? Why do we all fear being kind to each other? Why is it that when inspired to participate in the life of a fellow human being, we lock our brakes and skid in another direction?

Here are some of the thoughts of friends who responded:  

The balance of transforming the world and allowing others their own path at their own pace is a continous process. I endeavor to be vigilant in honoring both sensitivities. What I do know is that we can change the world and heal the planet and those that live here. We can do this moment by moment. We can do this together. And one day compassion will no longer be perceived as a threat. – J

If we do act on these impulses from the heart, we can change our culture and our world! Prove to people, that people are not so scary -- people are funny! – A

I think thats the same reason why I scare little children. They seem horrified when I stare deeply in to their eyes with a big dorky smile and say "i like you. you're cool." - B

All progress happens through action not inaction. Its the story we write about how someone will act or react that ends up doing the talking for us. At some point, we will do the thing we desire and then react only to their reaction not to our idea of it. - K

It's sad that the world has become a place where people that truly want to make a difference and reach out are afraid of negative response. My attitude is do it anyway. If they have a negative response, okay. But at least when I put myself out there for good, I am making an effort to be an agent of change & progress. - T

Sometimes, it (a spontaneous offer) shifts their perception completely and it makes their day. Sometimes they refuse. But my sense is that upon further reflection they realize it's coming from a pure place and the next time someone tries to help, they are more open to it. Do it anyway Dana. It's who you are. It's who I am. We can't deny who we are because of fear.  I say GO FOR IT! What's the worse that can happen? -- K 

There were many other comments, all were good, but I chose these to show that many of us WANT to reach out and don't, out of fear, even when we all believe that this connection is one very simple way to BE THE CHANGE. 

 I did stop one day, right after a snowstorm, to help an elderly woman clean a driveway. Turns out SHE was out with her snow-blower cleaning her NEIGHBOR'S driveway. As we worked together in clearing her neighbor's driveway, she told me that she was just raised to look out for others and if she saw something that needed doing, she wanted to do it. SHe didn't pity this man, she just wanted to connect in this way, show him that he was remembered, CARE for him, reach out. I drive past that driveway every day from work, and think of her every time I drive by. She made a lasting impression on my life, and I want to be courageous like her.

The next time I feel this spontaneous feeling to reach out, and the spontaneous desire to act on that feeling, I will have the courage to follow through with the actual spontaneous ACT of following through, in that moment. Will you join me?

Comments

[Leslie Salmon]

Many of us have seen the ad on TV, where a person helps another and the witness to this action goes on to do similarly. These random acts of kindness can be a catalyst for change.

Offering rides may seem threatening to many, but helping to help shovel snow, as you did (or, offering to anonymously buy a couple celebrating a birthday a couple of brownies at a restaurant, as I did recently), fall outside that 'threatening' zone. And, these acts leave us with an indelible positive memory of doing something for someone else.

The woman shoveling snow was way ahead of the times, she had figured out that it is good to help others, and her witness - you - is continuing the practice.

[Diana]

D'ana,
The other day while I was at Max's baseball tryouts I saw a little boy, about two years old, crying for his mom heading straight into the street. I went over to him and asked what was wrong, he stretched his arms up to me and cried for his "mommy"! I walked around the park to all the people I could get to asking if they knew who the little boy belonged to...after 30 minutes of searching for this little boy's mother, a man ran up to me grabbed the boy out of my arms, gave me a dirty look and turned and walked away. However ungrateful and rude this man was, I would do it all over again! To know that this boy was now safely back in the arms of his family was gratitude enough. And in my own heart I told the story that his father only acted that way because he was so scared about losing his son, and that he was secretly grateful to me and is now kicking himself in the ass for not saying "thank you" or at least smiling at me!

[Heather de Busk]

I just found, and am enjoying, your blog, and wanted to leave a comment on this post because it is such an important subject to me. When I was younger I had frequent impulses to reach out and assist others and very rarely followed through with them. My (immature and self centered) belief at that time was that I wasn't enough and didn't have enough myself to reach out and help, who did I think I was to assume that anyone would want help from ME? Then I found that those impulses ceased to be as frequent, they very nearly dried up. It was as though I had told the universe 'no' so many times that it went looking elsewhere for agents to do the footwork for the force of good. Now, after some very painful life lessons, when those impulses do come I act on them with gratitude. I know that they have nothing to do with me, they are so much bigger than that.