My Weblog

Sorting the Past; Finding Your Roots

I have been preparing for the next retreat I will offer to 60 people, and part of that preparation is to read over all of the stuff in my "files" for some tid-bit that might inspire me. I came across this article, which I have condensed and edited a bit to make more sense today . . . thought I'd share it with you all.

As humans, we crave wilderness and open spaces. We regularly seek out aspen groves, desert oases, ocean shores, mountain lakes. But we can’t be camped by a turquoise lagoon forever. At some point, we pick up our feet and trudge back to our lives, hoping to keep those times of nature and calm with us. In yoga practice, we learn how to. Yoga philosophy teaches us that to be truly happy, we must find these places WITHIN us. We learn to access the peace, calm, and beauty from the inside, our insides, even when we can’t find it on the outside. We cultivate an inner universe of calm and beauty, and our bodies and our lives soon start to reflect that inner landscape.

D’ana Baptiste’s Yoga is a practice of stillness and movement, strength and submission, energy and calm. It tones and strengthens the body and, inevitably, the spirit as well. The two come closer into harmony. A yoga teacher and student of D’ana Baptiste, Scott Moore, says of yoga, “It strengthens and tones my body in ways all my other activities and sports couldn’t. At the same time, my inner life has transformed as well. I am more patient with myself and others. I live more purposefully and intentionally, not always reacting and overreacting, but living more true to my best self and desires. Yoga has changed my life.”

Come experience D’ana Baptiste’s warmth, knowledge, strength, and down-to-earth humor and warm laughter. You’ll find yourself comfortable and welcome. In this re-birth season of spring, open yourself up to change - in your body and in your spirit. -- Celeste Keele

This morning, someone asked me what unhappiness means in your life. Here's my reply.
There is somewhere inside of you that is pure unadulterated happiness. It is quiet, it is still, and it is soft. BUT YOU KNOW that it is there. It's being there is not conditional at all. It can never be damaged or stolen or drained. However, it can be hidden or almost forgotten.
Even when it is forgotten, true happiness is always there, and it walks with you in all of your trials and tribulations. When we choose to identify with the trials and tribulations more than this soft, still, quiet happiness, we "feel" unhappy.
The best way to call forth this happiness (to remember it) is to truly BE with that "unhappiness", feel it, observe it, and notice the transitory nature of this unhappiness. The part of you that is noticing it is the part of you that is intransitory, it is the part where true unconditional joy resides.
The more you can USE this observant part of you to notice the pain, the more you begin to identify with your inherent JOY. Pretty soon things start to affect you less, and one day you will wake up with a strange realization that you are "happy" because you are finally identifying with "YOU the real YOU." It doesn't mean the shit stops being thrown at you, only that the shit doesn't seem to stink as much, and less of it sticks to you.
Now, as far as being unhappy in your present CIRCUMSTANCE, the yoga answer is this -- if you are clinging to a different "future" or if you keep clinging to your memories of the past and how unhappy they made you, then YES that is attachment.
HOWEVER, if your SOUL is yearning to be heard and your circumstances keep shutting your soul down, then it means you are ready to let a lot of attachments GO. Does that make sense?
There is an angst that we all feel when we find ourselves imprisoned by our attachments; when we realize that we HAVE been so attached to things/feelings/memories/plans. That realization/angst/yearning is the SOUL waking up and calling for more "space."
Of course it feels uncomfortable because you just realized that you put yourself in a box and now that you've grown this box is too small for you. The soul wants OUT, the ego wants the soul to stay IN, and this translates into a war of the inner worlds.
I am not sure what you are feeling, but the way out is to see the box, notice the box, observe the box of your own creation. You can't really see the box when you are inside of it, now can you?
I hope that helps.

A walking contradiction

When I was growing up, I was the only person in my extended family that didn’t like meat. Now that I teach yoga, I DO eat meat, while surrounded by vegans and raw foodists. (I probably could have saved myself a lot of grief by reversing the order of my food choices.)

While young, I didn’t know I had to label myself a vegetarian. I just didn’t like meat. I had never heard of Gandhi, so couldn’t have claimed that I was following in his footsteps. I just didn’t want to eat meat. I had no idea that it was soon to become a political statement. I just kept not putting meat on my plate. Well, except for bacon . . .

Then, one day, and I have no idea when this happened, I learned I was a vegetarian. I learned I was not a vegan, because I ate ice cream, but that I was definitely a vegetarian. I embraced the label. It was a relief, probably, to learn I belonged somewhere, since growing up I had felt so different from my meat eating family and community. Now I had a group I could align myself with. Except I still ate bacon . . .

Fast forward to El Salvador, at a Yoga retreat with Walt Baptiste, where I fully expected to be greeted as a fellow vegetarian. I mean, all yogis are vegetarian, right? Walt took one look at me and told me to eat some meat to get healthy, and stop using my food choices as my identity. Hmmm. I explained to him that I don’t like meat, but if he had bacon around I would gladly partake, as long as it was burnt. . . .

Well, I’m not sure when I started eating meat, but I did drop the label; It was such an obvious thing to do. I mean, hell, when was I going to be honest with myself and admit that bacon falls into the meat group?

I do know that when I got pregnant I inhaled meat. I craved tuna during my first pregnancy, meat sauce on pasta during my second pregnancy, and sausage from Trader Joe’s during my third pregnancy. I don’t really like meat and don’t eat it much, but when my body wants it, I find the best quality meat and partake of it with gratitude. Here’s the worst part however; I am still an outcast in my new “family” of yogis. Well, maybe not an outcast; let’s just say there are those who think I need to be converted to veganism or raw foodism. I am still a “project.”

For the record, I can’t be converted, I won’t be labeled, and I feel no need to be defined by my food choices. I won’t choose sides or feel guilty. I won’t declare superiority or feel inferiority. I just want to flow, and be allowed to flow, and allow others to flow in whatever direction feels right to them.

I may choose to eat meat one day, then eat rice and beans the next day. I may choose a turkey sandwich on Monday, and a hummus wrap on Tuesday. I may order a hamburger with bacon tomorrow, or may choose to eat a raw salad. I don’t know; I am just going to wait and see what my body needs.

This isn’t a confession, nor is it a defense. This is my attempt to use this small example as a larger metaphor. How many times do we “label” ourselves only to find that now we have to live within the confines of that overly simplistic label? Or, constantly contradict it? 

How often do we define ourselves only to find that there really is no definition that can fully describe us? When will we accept that NOT ONE OF US is here to fit into the confines of any one generalization! We actually aren’t on Earth to fit into a box.